For Granted?

It is so easy to take life for granted. To spend every day forgetting that we have been given a huge gift just by being a part of this life. How often do you hear people, myself included, complaining about the work, the chores, the meals, the laundry and the bills? Daily I am sure because I hear myself complaining about these things all the time. How often do you hear people, myself included, praising our children, our partners and spouses, taking time to look at all we have and being thankful that we have it? Not nearly as often because I myself forget to be thankful for all I have.
Dean will have surgery tomorrow to fix yet another herniated disc in his back. L5 if that helps any of you understand the pain he has been in. I have seen the pain and tears first hand and it has not been easy to watch. Even his Dr. commented that if he was in hospital of his own free will he must be in bad shape. The specialist put him on the emergency list for surgery today and when the nurse last checked there was 3 ahead of him on the wait list so it will be morning before he has surgery.
On my way home from visiting him tonight I couldn’t help but think about all I have in this life that I take for granted. In the last two years I have been through a lot physically and emotionally and many of you tell me you are amazed by my strength. I don’t think it is above normal though and if each of you were given the same situations I believe you would stand up in the face of adversity and come out just as I have. I have put my best foot forward and fought back against the things that have tried to drag me down. I don’t always keep it together and if I let myself sit and think about it all I become overwhelmed and fall apart. Dean is always the one who is there to put me back together and even this latest episode it has been him who has told me its all going to be ok. I am not really handling the stress I am just letting it wash over me like a drenching rain knowing that it won’t last forever because soon the sun will have to reappear and dry it all out.
A friend said to me tonight that it proves how committed to each other we are that we have withstood so many challenges but continue to grow. We conquered a long distance relationship, the struggles of leukemia treatments that kept us apart even longer than we anticipated. We lived apart and alone while our children were with their other parents while Dean did treatments. We survived the financial burdens of Dean being out of work for 9 months only to have me end up in hospital and out of work for 3½ months only days later. We have blended together two very different families with two very different backgrounds and no one has committed a federal crime. (yet) Maybe she should have been thinking that we should be committed instead. LOL
We make a pretty incredible family. Sure we fight and scrap about little and big things but we are here for each other. The kids act like siblings and react to both Dean and I as if we were both their parents. It makes me feel proud that we have been able to make a family from all the chaos that was our lives before we met. Dean has two ex-wives one of whom we get along with very well in fact so well that we share childcare when either of us needs that extra helping hand. The other ex-wife isn’t worth mentioning but with a little luck and a few more years Alysia will see the light of that situation. My ex is still a huge part of our lives too not only because my oldest lives with him and the other two with us but because we were able to maintain a friendship throughout the separation.
My life changed dramatically the day I met Dean and his kids. I found an inner peace and happiness I had always been searching for. I tried to find it before and I thought I had found it when I married but as much love as I put towards my husband and kids I didn’t feel the love for myself that I need to feel to be healthy and happy. I have that now and I will be damned if I will let ill health or struggles get me down for more than a moment or two. I don’t know how to describe how I feel inside when I think of all the things life has given me, given us in the last year aside from all the troubles.
Dean and I communicate in the strangest of ways not just verbally, but physically and mentally too. We finish each other’s thoughts and sentences. We are not afraid to fight and argue an issue knowing we will get to a peak where we have to agree to disagree but we can do so without compromising all that we are. He understands that I have issues that I deal with day to day that have nothing to do with him that I can’t share with him because it hurts too much. I know that he too deals with things that go on in his head that I can only get a small grasp on before I am beyond my own experienced comprehension.
Is there a point to this blog?
I am happy and I appreciate that what I have in my life right now is something very unique and special. I love all our children and I love Dean more than words. I know you have all been worried not only for Dean but for me as well and are worried about how I am handling all of this. I am handling like I always do one moment at a time. I love all of you that have shown your care and concern. I love all of you that have added us to your prayer lists because we have needed them. I love each and every one of you that are of the select few that I share my life with on a regular basis either one on one or through blogs.
I appreciate you and I hope I never take you for granted. HUGS